Dependence on porn. For addicts and partners: Truth, Realism, and Hope

For a long time, the central argument in the debate around porn was that giving in to its allure amounted to a moral transgression. The issue was sinfulness from a religious/Christian perspective. One of the seven supposedly worst sins, desire and/or gluttony, is a symptom that one has allowed themselves to become infected with it. Or, from the perspective of a feminist, porn is viewed as the heinous use of women as sexual, one-dimensional objects with no humanity other than form. However, as Naomi Wolf points out in her article The Porn Myth, excessive exposure to pornography has actually had the opposite effect of turning men into sexually ravenous beasts; instead, it has made them emotionally and sexually anorexic and prevented them from being able to relate to or be aroused by real women. In the digital age, excessive pornographic viewing turns men off, not on, as it turns out.

Numerous studies now demonstrate that men (and an increasing number of women) who view internet porn repeatedly and compulsively experience the opposite of what might be expected. Just as someone who is addicted to a drug becomes more and more desensitised to the drug while continuing to crave it, someone who is addicted to pornography finds that they end up on a pretty familiar, well-worn treadmill.  leakhive  a strong desire for something that can no longer satisfy those needs for stimulation and brief relief.

Internet pornography may be just as addictive and have a similar impact on the brain as some medications, according to recent studies. But porn's unique appeal is that by introducing hormones that are typically linked to bonding, love, and connection, it appeals to our need for attachment, connection, and belonging even more than addictive substances do. In essence, a person who abuses pornography develops a stronger attachment to porn than to anything or anyone else. Marriages, relationships, the workplace, and eventually one's relationship with oneself all suffer as a result.

Like all addictions, porn addiction has stages. However, unlike most other addictions, the physical symptoms of porn addiction are essentially undetectable, and the psychological and emotional repercussions are first fairly subdued. Before anyone even thinks to inquire about their porn viewing habits, many porn addicts may seek treatment for a range of mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and OCD as well as physical problems, stress, other addictions, and finally poor sexual performance.

However, more and more research is demonstrating a direct correlation between frequent online porn viewing and problems with sexual performance, such as erectile dysfunction in males in their late teens and early twenties (a condition that was virtually unheard of 10 to 15 years ago). Some guys only begin to see the link between their binge-watching of porn and other problems in their lives until they are unable to get an erection or ejaculate even when watching porn. They frequently pay attention to this alone in the end. If they have partners, they may have known for a while that something was occurring—or rather, not happening!

Both porn addicts and their partners should be concerned about this awful state of affairs. A common practise is for people to spend night after night in bed with a partner who never seems to be "in the mood" for sex. Relationships, marriages, and both parties' self-esteem may suffer as a result, which is terrible. Because most men's porn addictions are private, some partners might not be aware that they are in a relationship with a porn addict, or even if they are, they might not initially connect the dots. It's also possible that they are unaware of how much their partner watches porn. It is currently impossible to measure the harm this does to relationships. On one website, among other startling numbers, it is stated that one spouse's obsession with pornography accounts for 56% of divorces in the United States.

Is all the news bad then? Oh, no. Recent discoveries in the field of brain science indicate that, like plasticine, the brain is actually incredibly malleable and flexible. The term "neuroplasticity" actually refers to the ability of the brain to alter itself in response to experience. This is good news because there are often two ways to extricate yourself out of a sticky position. Internet porn may have lost some of its appeal a long time ago, but the habit it has established will be difficult to break. Though difficult, not impossible. There seems to be little other option for partners of addicts and for men who have lost the ability to relate to women emotionally and physically but to end the relationship, which, let's face it, is rather likely. A relationship with a porn addict can't be much fun, I'm sure. However, given that sex addiction, of which porn addiction is a form, has reportedly reached epidemic status in America at least, it is likely that if you break up with one porn addict, you will more than likely run into another who is just as addicted or on the verge of becoming one. This is because, as reported in a 2011 News Week article, if you leave a relationship with one porn addict, you are likely to meet another who is just as addicted or on the verge of becoming one

What steps can you take to overcome a porn addiction and undo the damage it has done to your brain? The solution is to simply cease it, which is a straightforward, though not always easy, solution. Give your brain time to rewire itself, re-learn, or rediscover what naturally comes to you by ceasing all contact with porn and masturbating to porn.